Mugged by Faith: Ch. XI - The Wrath of God Against the Self-Justified

Is it wrong to believe in a Just War?
As I pointed out earlier in this blog, Jesus did say "do not resist and evil man", but He also didn't seem to care much about the Centurion's day job when he asked Him to cure his servant.

It doesn't seem to matter much since I'm not much of a violent person.
The closest I come to enjoying violence is in the movies. And even then, it was not the destructive act that I praised, but the punishment of evil and allowance for good to prosper.

But when I read about the Babylonian Myth of Violence as an act of Creation, I was shaken to my core.
I found myself realizing that I was just as guilty as the parricidal gods as well as the jealous Cain.
How can this be if I never killed somebody, let alone hurt anybody?

No, I'm not referring to what foreign policy I vote for.
I'm referring to my thoughts.

Jesus himself clarified that "You have heard that it was said to those of ancient times, 'You shall not murder'...But I say to you that if you are angry with a brother or sister, you will be liable to judgment.." (Matthew 5: 21-22).

Am I guilty of this?
Yes.

As my right-wing-ness increased, so did my anger.
I found myself hating Liberals. Not in a direct and personal way, but as a matter of principle: I hated what they stood for.
It started growing grotesquely out of control when this hatred extended not only to Liberals but to anybody who didn't adhere to any values.
This manifested itself largely at my work in retail, but also with some individuals in my personal life.
I would look around me and see selfish person after selfish person; not merely being selfish but foolish; and not merely being foolish but telling others to be equally foolish.
I saw rudeness all around me; gross arrogance and downright childish behavior in adults who were children when Truman was President.

I hated them all.

I rarely, if ever, said a word to these people.
But my thoughts were raging with mental violence.

It started to become habit for me to enter each day of work to start going on mental tirades against those who I felt fell beneath the dignity of a Christian person.
I never lifted a finger to help people who asked impolitely; never gave the benefit of the doubt to people who have yet to prove themselves to me.
Oh, I loved all who did prove themselves to me, even if just a little. But all else were subject of my wrath.

And guess what, I enjoyed it! It made me feel good!
Where did this come from? The myth of violence: projecting one's insecurity onto others and then punishing the other to justify oneself.

My enjoyment of Westerns became a sacramental activity of exercising this skill of projecting my evil onto others and then punishing them.
Did I consciously think this while watching such movies?
No.
But I did consciously enjoy these movies as alternative to the mopey-dopey dramas I enjoyed in my adolescent angst years such as Manhattan and Chasing Amy.
They were alternatives because the heroes of these Westerns were the opposite of of the heroes of this mopey-dopey dramas: strong, with principles, self-sacrificing, instead of self-serving.
But they were also quick to anger, and easily violent characters who took pride in punishing evil.
Every time John Wayne blew away a bad guy, I was blowing away the part of me that actually idolized Woody Allen!

I'm not so sure if this is actually a bad thing.
I have a theory that this is why fiction and fantasy exists: so that we spiritual-carnal hybrids can enjoy our carnal side as long as it's isolated in the realm of the Mythological.

But hating specific people in my life for failing to be as good as me is a big No-No.
That's bad enough, but the worse sin I committed was to then feel good about myself in doing so!
I convinced myself I was a Godly person by hating people.

I was a pharisee.

We all know what Jesus thought of the Pharisees.
He projected the same kind of tough love I wrote about earlier in this blog towards them.
Tough Love isn't as good as it sounds:

...woe to you scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you lock people out of the Kingdom of Heaven...for you tithe mint, dill and cummin, and have neglected the weightier matters of the law: justice and mercy and faith. It is these that you ought to have practiced without neglecting the others...For you clean the outside of the cup and of the plate, but inside they are full of greed and self-indulgence..." (selections from Matthew 23).

Jesus showed zero signs forgiving murderers and prostitutes; but had to use rather unkind language towards the Pharisees.

As I read Matthew 23, I realized that Jesus was chastising me; the sins of the Pharisees were my sins: justifying myself by setting myself apart from others.

I was in big trouble.